if you are dating a borderline (from a borderline)

poutiesproutie:

i say this as things i would like to tell other people who are dating someone with borderline personality disorder. i personally have it and have only had it for about a year, but i have also had a boyfriend for over a year and these are things that i tell him and i thought it would be useful.

1) borderlines want attention. they want to be loved. they want to know that someone cares about them. we often fear abandonment and it gives us a lot of anxiety and often causes depressive episodes. remind your partner that you love and care about them

2) borderlines feel emotion about 5 times stronger than someone without this disorder. do not tell us that we are over reacting to something that happened, instead comfort us

3) we never purposefully mean to be abusive or hurt you. you are never forced to stay with us. the reason we may behave in a way that makes you feel like you have to take care of us is because of intense fear of abandonment.

4) sometimes we are impulsive, and it’s best to try to help control us with that. this can mean excessive spending, dangerous behavior, etc, and the best thing you can do is to try to promote us to stop doing it. i would wish that people would help bring me back into reality when i’m being impulsive. 

5) our mood can be very unstable, so don’t be surprised when we’re suddenly breaking down or depressive. try to be comforting when this is happening

6) if we are changing our identity a lot due to identity disturbance, support us. call us our new name, new pronouns, etc. do not invalidate our identities

7) avoid ableist language. do not call us ins*ne, cr*zy, ps*cho, etc

8) you are never obligated to stay, but if you do, please take care of us